So Close…

So Close…

Is this the end? Is this what we fought for? I looked over into your clear blue eyes and wondered if this is where we’d end up when I met you. You see, there are those moments when like the dramatic scene in movies your eyes meet and all other things were in the blur? Well that didn’t happen, it was a clear misunderstanding of order, the very thing that would be missing from this… from us.

Had we been no so close to perfect, we wouldn’t have messed it up. Is it pure human nature? To give up when we almost made it or to reck things that were perfectly made. Consider why would we have global warming and all the animals we claim to “have had alive” that went extinct by our own doings. All the opportunities we lost because we were too proud or too cowardly. We couldn’t stand up for ourselves or were afraid of what whoever thought. Well damn society’s double standards. Whatever you do people would complain, even if you did everything everyone wanted, people would still complain and yes

Oh You sycophant!

So why did we let this happen? Why did we give up because we could be happy? Why did we allow the world to come between us. If they were against us all along, why did their opinion matter, that we’d accepted? Come on, that ship has far sailed, it’s gone of course and marooned off somewhere, somewhere within us. If we dig to get it out we’d hurt each other we’d be dead before it’s realized in a classic ode to Romeo n Juliet.

I was afraid we’d hurt each other, having grown up into evangelical that “it must hurt to do good”, I hope I did just right by you. The prime thought I had sworn never to do had stuck on.

We are marked,oh sons and daughters of Cain!The inherent evil borne by our fathers followed us out of the womb and the faultless though of love, drawn by the my own hands, has led us here. Now that I have killed you, now that I am dying next to you, oh darling what have we done?

When the broken crayons do color. ..

When the broken crayons do color. ..

I am young and enthusiastic about life, don’t blame me if I try to rush along. I don’t want to be the the uncle who lives in the basement,  i can’t be the roast of thanksgiving. I know you have seen it all, I am wrong, I accept,  but you know my ego is as big as my dreams. I am burdened in zeal to impress, wits end to no end, all you say is I am proud. In trying to tame this stallion don’t trample on budding hope.

Fine! I didn’t listen, i heard, least that’s what I said. I have finally seen what you refused to explain. Barring me against the tide without an anchor, i will surely go with the wind. I am born to be curious,  I am always on the move, an indigo child can’t be stopped, were are the cats that got too curious, luckily we have nine lives. I am back but this pot is no more than an imperfect mold. I can’t hold the volumes you expect of me.

When children leave their bags on the playing field, you don’t expect perfect crayons. So when these broken crayons do finally color look beyond the smudges and seek the truth. What’s the beauty you behold?  What do you make of the dreams I have made for myself? 

A different kind of Warmth

A different kind of Warmth

With one hand in your pocket, it’s never a full grasp of reality when the turbulence hits. I am wondering how these adults are keeping it all together. They are barely giving anything away, it’s hard to imagine them roll it out on all floors, I bet they could, I have let it all out and today is my first time here. There are stoned faces that line the family courtyard, like a line of martyrs that hold their space, unmoved, hardened, there’s nothing left to error. A place of rocks where the wandering seeds of emotion are stifled, let the lava flow and break them up; they would be harder than before.

In this very courtyard, was a child born to royalty. A male son, from the long line of girls before him, nine in all and finally ‘badudwan’ could be the fattest goat after all. The blessed fruit enchanted in love, a mouth from which the golden spoon must never leave, unbounded freedom fully bestowed in one man child. He is next in line, finally there’s an heir, true son of the land to take it up, and the seat of royals just got warmer.

Had they seen it coming, had they known, the bastard child they left to die would never have seen woes like he, children born to be motherless. In the night of stupor, the drunken king did lie, but it’s a matter no one dare speak of, the secret held in tight briefs amongst the high council. The maiden to whom the cursed child was born is gone. By birth she did give life to lose it, that a nineteen year old girl’s name was wiped before her history could be written. Was her lowly birth name going to be written anyway? She a peasant they said, leave her body in the unmarked grave.

Fifteen winds have passed over the royal child, the man child is not running around in glee no more, the mature young man can take a wife. Abomination! How could he? The rules that elevated him by birth must be the same to put him down. His head lies within the guillotine, the order for the lever is at the tip of the raised gun. The life must be taken for the defying royal blood. But why? Why Of all maidens it’s the crown princess you must defile? She did bloom beyond any feeble feet to ever step on this land but now that flower, like her tears are lost to the river. Before their eyes she did jump, and they let her because they didn’t know and you had kept quiet. Let the blood spill, the gods demand it, the royal seat must be left cold.

Did I fall asleep to wake up in alternate universe? Did the gods not warn them of this? I could not imagine being here. I am the royal blood line that muddled in the gutters, and slept amongst the prickly ferns with the sky as my blanket; I believed the skies would watch over me, then these soles so brittle and rasp to break can rest. I was the ace card in the sleeve of gods. I had to know more cold than the eyes that besiege me, that I may be a different kind of warmth to the royal seat.



There many sides to a coin toss, heads or tail. I did toss a coin, I had neither. It landed on its side caught up in the sands. You see sand is never stable, I’m sinking fast.

I forgave easily and yet you say I am petty.

When am quiet, I’m giving you an attitude.

When I don’t allow myself to be played around, you say it’s my pride.

If I were torn in between I would have mended myself, it wouldn’t be the first time, and I would be up on my feet in no time. This time, the very feet meant to hold me are the ones that take me down. Am trying float but do you care?

I go out of my way to help and its hypocrisy.

When the love was truly that deep, it was cliché.

When I came around, you shut me out in the cold rain.

Now I have become the one either of us don’t know, you set your fingers against me, the smiles we shared are gone, I have lost face, I’m but an emotional shadow, I have reviled and I have become empty, I’m a cinema with no seats, you are not welcome.

Your views are now the passing wind and I won’t wear a hat

I am deaf to your words, the sirens do not amplify them.

I see through you, truly I do, you are the hallucination I cured

And yet I can’t stop playing the part in this script, I am your very shadow, hidden in the dark, I am the true nature within and we are all sinking in this sand. The words have piled up in domes and for the sand storms I sink in buts not that I fear most, it’s the flood that is coming, the tears that are flowing ,the tears I cannot let out because am a shadow, I’m not you.